Episode 100: Tango
Tag : "Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently, and I wish I could be as forgiving. But I can't, because this whole thing FUCKING SUCKS!" Movie Summary : The film actually is Rated R. Premise : After criminal mastermind Yves Perret (Jack Palance) frames LAPD supercops Ray Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Gabriel Cash (Kurt Russell) for murder, the disgraced cops must join forces in order to clear their names. Story Story Elements * Sylvester Stallone as independently-wealthy narcotics cop Ray Tango, who can accurately hit the windshield of a moving tanker truck at 100 yards with a snubnosed revolver. * Kurt Russell as sloppily-dressed narcotics cop Gabriel Cash, who can chase a would-be assassin out of a second-story window after getting shot in a bulletproof vest at close range. * Jack Palance as criminal mastermind Yves Perret, who has a fondness for small rodents and elaborate revenge schemes. * James Hong as the chain-smoking crime lord Quan. * Brion James as cockney gangster Ponytail, whose weapon of choice is (for some reason) a highly impractical straight razor. * Clint Howard as Slinky, Ray Tango's psychopath cellmate. * Michael J. Pollard as a mentally-retarded LAPD weaponsmith who furnishes Tango and Cash with a heavily-armored battletruck equipped with a chain gun. * Teri Hatcher as Catherine, an exotic dancer who arrhythmically bangs on electronic drum pads during her fully-clothed stage routine. * A Nagra SNST-R miniature analog audio recorder. @21:20, 22:50 * Fart noises @37:15 * Testicle violence @41:15 * Random boobs @7:35 : The ending involves a giant explosion which destroys the evidence of the villain's wrongdoing, yet nevertheless the heroes are somehow exonerated. Quotes * "Rambo is a pussy." (Tango) @4:00 * "Tango and Cash... Cash and Tango..." (Perret) * "I believe in Perestroika!" (random Russian guy) @8:45 * "Hey, who's been fucking with my gun?" (Cash) @11:35 * "When this is over, we have to pay Jabba the Hutt here a visit." @25:10 * "Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently, and I wish I could be as forgiving. But I can't, because this whole thing FUCKING SUCKS!" (Cash) @29:15 * "I don't wanna get killed by this limey immigrant jerkoff! I wanna get killed by an American jerkoff!" (Cash) @40:00 * "I'm getting real tired of electricity." (Tango) @53:25 * "From the look of your diet, it's obvious that you're not too interested in counting calories. Could it be that you're just too busy counting the money they paid you to '''set us up?" (Tango) @1:00:15 * "Any chance of a three-way?" (random on-duty, uniformed cop) @1:08:30 * "Is that a proposal?" (Cash) @1:13:50 * "Blowing a man's head off with a fuckin' hand grenade is a touch much, dontcha think?!" (Cash) @1:17:55 * "Did you bump uglies with my sister?" (Tango) @1:19:30 * "Facility destruct sequence is now engaged." @1:31:00 Better Than * 12 Rounds * 10,000 B.C. * Whiteout Final Judgments * The Best Movie Ever Made (unanimous) @43:05 Episode Highlights Movie Pitches Quotes * "Is this the gayest action film?" (Dan) @32:50 * "It's just like: This is the kind of -- every time we watch a Flop House movie I'm hoping it's going to be this kind of movie. And then it turns out to be like 10,000 B.C. or Whiteout. And it's just so disappointing, because I know there's gotta be another Tango & Cash out there, there's gotta be." (Elliott) @42:25 * Fivehead Goes West @42:55 Listener Mail : '''"Honey, Where's My Super Suit?" from Curt Holman @45:05 : "Further Injustices Adjusted" from The Rejustinator @51:55 :: Stuart refers to he who shall not be named, and they discuss Dan's accent. : "Correction" from Brian Lastnamewithheld @54:45 :: Episode Eighty-Eight: Priest : "I Hereby Commission Elliott to Write a Prequel to ''In Time'' Featuring Seven Pounds That Posits a World Where Time Is Weight" from John Lastnamewithheld @56:55 Recommendations * Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010) by James Nguyen (Dan) @1:01:40 * Dark of the Sun (1968) by Jack Cardiff (Elliott) @1:00:30 * Winter's Bone (2010) by Debra Granik (Stuart) 1:04:30 Category:Episodes